Got Wedding Etiquette?

  One of my many interviews during my decades as principal of Etiquette Now! Author: Lynette Hingle, studioD Guests Lodging Etiquette My Input ...the bride and groom are only required to pay for the wedding party’s lodging. All other invitees will be expected to pay for the cruise themselves. Therefore, it is wise to contact all your invited guests with the dates and available cruise package options as soon as your wedding plans are finalized. Invitations ...there are no etiquette rules concerning verbal invitations, and it is permissible to seek verbal commitments from prospective attendees. You may also want to send save-the-date cards with written travel arrangement itineraries but be aware that proper etiquette insists that an invitation be sent to everyone who has received a save-the-date card. You may also want to put the word out to your wedding guests that they should mail gifts to your home before or after the wedding. While wedding gifts are always apprecia...

Your Bridesmaids Will Love These! Most people think of summer as baseball, picnic, or barbecue season.   However, for an etiquette consultant, it can mean only one thing—Wedding Season!   As the weather warms, I’m elbow deep in wedding questions, many of those from frantic brides wondering what to do about their bridesmaids’ gifts.   Consequently, I’ve come up with a few perfect choices, which I’m sharing with you today.   Ready, set…gift! Oh!   I forgot to mention the wedding challenge.   There is a quiz question buried in this ditty.   Let’s see if you can find it and know the answer. Traditional gifts trump all! The traditional bridesmaid’s gift is jewelry, more specifically a necklace.   A necklace is a perfect, and more to the point, logical choice.   After all, the bride can control the overall appearance of her wedding if she also chooses her maid’s jewelry.   Speaking of “maids”, who were the first bridesmaids and why...

  Etiquette Tips for Guest As a guest, it is important to remember that you are not the focus.   Keep that in mind.   It is easy to be a courteous guest.   Attire Unless it is part of the culture of the bridal couple, guests do not wear red.   It steals the show. Avoid revealing attire. Dress in the formality of the event. When in doubt, ask the couple or a member of the family what the dress code is. Behavior Avoid being too loud. Be observant and respectful of traditional wedding and reception elements. Remember that it isn’t all about you.    Yikes! Alcohol Consumption No brainer!   Don’t overindulge.   Drink plenty of non-alcoholic beverages to avoid embarrassing yourself and others.   Etiquette Tips for Gift Giving Couples, please remember that the shower is optional and wedding guests invited to the shower are then responsible for two gifts, one for the shower and one for the wedding, so be kind, th...

Dear Polite One, My sister is getting married, and I am the Matron of Honor.  She and her boyfriend have been living together for about two years and have pretty much everything they really need.  I want to give her a shower or some sort of get-together, but I really don't know what.  My mother seems to think I should give her a Pantry Shower , but I disagree since she has everything for her kitchen already.  Please help me with this!! Sis Dear Sis, Many are now turning to the 'giftless' shower, where everyone gathers as if it is a traditional shower, but no gifts are exchanged.  The modern woman really doesn't need the extra help setting up her household, plus she will be receiving wedding gifts.  So, this is becoming quite a nice trend.  Instead of the bride being showered with gifts, she is showered with love and good wishes.  It is very sweet. Most sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Money-Saving Wedding & R...

Dear Polite One, I have been invited to an evening engagement cocktail party that will be held in a person's Seattle home.  What should I wear, and do I take a gift? Thank you, Curious in Seattle Dear Curious in Seattle, Traditions quickly crumble these days, but originally, this was a surprise party for guests to inform them of the couple's engagement. Because of this, only those close to the couple gave gifts and never at the party.  These were considered the bride's gifts but were not to be used until after the wedding.  That said, for many rules such as this don't apply much anymore, making it difficult for all of us.  So, if you want to take a gift, you may.  If you are close family, you might want to ask other family members what they are doing.  Bottom line though, you are not obligated to give one.  As for your attire, wear what you would to any cocktail party, as these are considered dressy affairs—a dressy pants suit, coc...

Dear Polite One, Our invitations do not have an inner envelope .  How do we address the outer envelope to a family where everyone is invited and for those with an "and guest"?   Inviting Hello Inviting, Unfortunately, you would have to use the ‘and family’ and ‘and guest’ form.  But please do not invite too many guests to your rehearsal dinner.  This party should be reserved for those involved in the wedding .  Although it is a nice thought to invite out-of-town guests, it can resemble a reception.  This should be an evening for winding down, toasts, handing out attendant gifts , and getting to bed early.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to address an envelope to those not married? Wording for canceled and rescheduled wedding? Listing late father as host?

Dear Polite One, My sister is hosting a bridesmaid brunch the day of my rehearsal. Do I need to get her a thank you gift? I've planned to give a corsage to my greeters. Is this their gift?  Do I give gifts to all the parents or just the ones contributing?  Nov. Bride Hello Nov. Bride, Many couples are paying for their own weddings these days, so giving those who contribute a gift is a great idea.  Perhaps a gift basket or a gift certificate to a nice restaurant would be a good gift for those who didn't contribute cash. A gift for your sister isn't necessary, but flowers and a thank you note is typical. Your greeters don't require gifts. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Dissed my gift; wanted cash! Gift for out of state shower? Do I give a wedding gift if I’ve already given a shower gift?

Dear Polite One, When you receive a wedding announcement, are you supposed to send a wedding gift ? Wondering Dear Wondering, Great question! No. An announcement is just a note to inform you of the new status of this person. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One What do I give for an engagement gift? How to Plan a Perfect Bachelorette and Bachelor Party The End of Wedding Gifts?

  Dear Polite One, What type of gift do I give to my friend for her engagement cocktail party? Curious Dear Curious, This is not considered a gift-giving event. Usually, only those who are very close or family typically give for which there is no specific gift . Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Do hosts give a shower gift? When to host the bridal shower? MOG’s friends hosting the bridal shower.  How to list this on the invitation?

Dear Polite One, A few of us have decided to host a wedding shower for our friend – encore bride – who is planning a small, informal wedding ceremony for immediate family only. Do we hosts give the bride a shower gift ? Hosting Dear Hosting, We have some issues here.  Number one, those who gave her gifts for her former weddings are not obligated to give this time.  Number two, and most importantly, a shower isn’t proper for this couple.  Only those invited to the wedding may be invited to the shower, but not all guests should be invited. That is asking each guest for two wedding gifts. Hosts give shower gifts, but typically, these are group gifts when there is more than one host. Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One How to ask for honeymoon cash? Must I use the registry to give? Do I give a wedding gift if I’ve already given a shower gift?

Dear Polite One, The mother of the bride informed the bridal party to give the bride the "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" gifts for her shower. Isn't that for the wedding, not the shower? Her attendants already spent a considerable amount on the shower and her gifts. I don't think it fair that they should be forced to give more.   Frustrated Dear Frustrated, This is a great example of why mothers should not be involved in the bridal shower.   It is natural to try to garner more gifts for her daughter . Please try to help her understand this.   Additionally, the "something old, borrowed, blue" gifts are typically given by the mother before the wedding. The Polite One More by The Polite One Is non-attending bridesmaid financially responsible for the bridal shower? When to host the bridal shower? Gift for out of state shower?

Dear Polite One, I mostly work from home, thus don't know those in our office ; most I've met only once.  One of these strangers invited me to her out-of-state shower and wedding.  Since I don't know her or her fiancé, and these are in a different state, I feel that I've been invited just for gifts .  I'm sure they realize I wouldn't and couldn't attend.  How much am I obligated to give? Insulted Dear Insulted, It does appear that she is gift-mining.  Don't fall for it unless you really want to give.  Keep in mind, cash is not a good shower gift.  Since you are not attending, no gifts are required anyway.  If you wanted to give cash, there is no appropriate amount to spend.  This is a personal decision.   Sincerely, The Polite One More by The Polite One Excluded from the Engagement Party Who hosts the bridal shower? What type of shower to host for those who have everything?

  Dear Polite One, The bride asked a few friends to plan her Vegas bachelorette party, for which we will pay our travel and lodging costs, for the bride’s spa, and all entertainment costs (clubs, drinks, food).  Do we also pay for her travel and lodging costs? Empty wallets Dear Empty Wallets, She shouldn't have requested this.  It's not polite or good manners .  She just doesn’t pay for the night of the party.  So, she can pick up the tab for her travel and lodging expenses.   Sincerely, The Polite One More from The Polite One How to Plan a Perfect Bachelorette and Bachelor Party Excluded from the Engagement Party May we host an engagement party?

Special Note Since planning the bachelorette and bachelor party can be a challenge – the only parties provided by the guests – it is most fair to try to find something that will entertain everyone that doesn't cost much. This could be a girls-night in watching chic flicks, miniature golf, or wine tasting tour for the ladies.  Perhaps high tea!? Gents?  Well, most men I know entertain themselves quite easily with just about anything that includes "male bonding."  Many add beer to that mix.    Just make sure all can afford the activities and you will all talk about that night for years to come.   Please Read These Posts May we combine the bachelorette and bridal shower? Four-Day Vegas Trip How to Plan a Perfect Bachelorette and Bachelor Party

Dear Polite One, I would like to host an engagement party for my brother and his future wife.  This is a second wedding for both.  Is this good manners ? Wants to do the right thing. Dear Wants to Do the Right Thing, Even for the tenth wedding, it would be fine. Just create an atmosphere of joy and ensure guests realize this isn't a gift-giving event. And please, only invite those who are also invited to the wedding. Sincerely, The Polite One More from The Polite One May we combine the bachelorette and bridal shower? Invite non-wedding guests to a Summer Supper? Excluded from the Engagement Party

Hi Polite One, I am so hurt as I wasn't invited to my grandchild's engagement party.  Other family members were there, but not many.  Gran Dear Gran, The etiquette for an engagement party isn’t as clear as it is for many other pre-wedding events.  There are no rules about who is invited. Close family members, such as grandparents, would be invited to a family affair.  However, hosts take liberties of who they wish to host.  This could have been a mistake as well. So, this may not be a slight.  Most sincerely, The Polite One More from The Polite One Who hosts the bridal shower? What type of shower to host for those who have everything? Is non-attending bridesmaid financially responsible for the bridal shower?